Was I brushed off?

Dear Van Buren and Claey,

I met this girl back in June at a community event, it was a Save-the-Sea-plankton or STSP.  Anyway, the organization is the brain child of Franz Ferdinand’s front man Alex Kapranos and it’s all about finding ways of saving sea plankton without cutting back the sewarage, refuse and other pollution we normally put in our oceans.  I’m not sure if you’re aware of it, but it was adopted by the Tea Party as their environmental policy.

In August, as I had just moved to the city and was new, she invited me out to a concert-by-the-sea.  The date came along and she told me that her friends were actually going the next week.  The next week came and she set a meeting place and time, and as I was arriving to meet her, literally a block a way, I received a text message saying she had just gotten a migraine and couldn’t meet up.  She said her friends at the concert, and just because she wasn’t I should go and meet her friends.  She said they would be easily located by the Nepalese Flag, which is the only non-quadrilateral national flag.  I went down there and searched and searched and couldn’t find it.  Later I came to find out her friends never made it.

The Flag of Nepal

There are a couple of other things that are pertinent.  One is this girl had a boyfriend, but that there is a possibility that they’ve since broken up.  Another is that she’s actually drop-dead gorgeous, but is a little quiet when it comes to expressing her views on issues. She basically stopped talking with me and never made any attempts to make up the time I lost driving across the city.  Finally, since the abolition of the monarchy in 2008, the Nepalese have removed the faces from the flag…

My question is did this girl actually have a migraine or did I get blown off and what should I do if I see her?

Sincerely,

Not so sure about Sea Plankton anymore.

Van Buren

Hi Sea Plankton, you’re the twenty-sixth caller to KSUX and you’ve won special VIP tickets to see Interpol perform at the Palladium.  I saw them back in 2004, when they still had all four members – now they’re just Interpol & the Mexican Busboys.

Interpol and the Mexican Busboys

Anyway, to answer your question, there are many different explanations as to what happened that night and the following nights.  For instance, let’s first presume that your friend, who you did not name – but we will refer to as Nepalia, actually has a job and a career.  And as I am a career woman, even though I am only a radio host who talks in between music, there are many promotional events I must attend after work.  She could have simply have been busy.  Ladies? And maybe her friends backed out at the last moment and she didn’t want to hang out with a dude like yourself, with her boyfriend lurking about in the same area code.

Anyway, you should be cool with Nepalia and talk with her about your fascination with Nepal.  Keep your feet on the ground but keep reaching up for Republicans!

By the way, have you had the new Wendy’s fries? They’re just fabulous! I bought them the other day saying, I’d eat only a couple Biggie sized fries and then give them to the homeless man.  Well, I just couldn’t stop at 10.  I kept going and going.

Claey

This is who you wrote to?  A woman who can’t control herself with Russert potato fries.  Never take advice from a woman when it concerns another woman – they’re biased far more than  MSNBC or FoxNews.  Read carefully, there’s something called the Female Bias which applies to any women advice concerning another woman given to a man.  Here it is a simple as possible.  If Van Buren personally knew her, her advice would have been – yes, she blew you off and you should move on.  Since she didn’t know her, she was thinking, “maybe this one is different since I don’t know her.”  The only time the Female Bias isn’t in effect is if you had bumped into the girl later that night leaving a bar.  Then the evidence would be so overwhelmingly egregious that she’d have to use logic.  But since you didn’t bump into Nepalia, Van Buren’s advice only says, “since I don’t know her, maybe she’s different,” as is appropriate with the Female Bias.

Most people will say that every woman is different, but most people also work these day at Walmarts, Targets and Kmarts, and the other people aren’t working at all.  Take it from someone who shows others the way to success.  Woman are like the Nepalese flag.  The moon symbolizes the shades and the cool weather of the high mountains and the head, whereas the sun symbolizes the heat and the high temperature at the lower part. Do you understand how messed up that is?

The Migraine is the quintessential woman excuse these days.  It can’t be refuted and the migraine itself can be manipulated in any way to suit anything.  I used to work with a woman who said she suffered from terrible migraines who said it felt “like living in a perpetual earthquake” and yet she continued to go into work, go out with friends and whatever else she did in her sorry state of affairs.  Then there are girls like yours, who get a migraine at opportune moments and are rendered helpless.

Yes, she was blowing you off.  Who knows why, it’s probably some sort of immaturity thing where she didn’t know how to communicate what she was thinking and, if she’s as drop dead gorgeous as you said, she’s had lots of scummy guys trying to find any reason to hook up with her, like going to some beach concert.  There was a girl I used to work with, who wouldn’t talk with me because she didn’t want to “give me the wrong impression.”  I always chalked it up to immaturity.

Two great things about women is their ability to communicate and their ability to read body language.  Right?  Sea Plankton buy a notebook and write these mantras.  ”I don’t want a girl who can’t communicate.” “I don’t want a girl who can’t read body language.”  Because when you get either, no matter how hot she is, how sweet, how innocent she may seem, you’re basically dating a man.  End of story.

Get over it and face your destined failures.

Van Buren, is fat and originally from of Midland Texas, lives with her dog “Butch”.  She’s the former host of Sanders in the Morning on Power 102.4 in Boston, enjoys watching the View on Channel 5 and keeping up-to-date with the local gossip.  She’s looking for a publisher for her book… ”Is Vin Diesel Gay?”

Claey Ducken is a douche and a successful entrepreneur married to his wife Jennifer of eleven years, with two kids, Eryn & Eryca, and he has a mistress Corinne for the last six years.  He’s an avid water-skier, plays five musical instruments and has written two best-sellers, ”Being Negative and Successful” and “Do what I say? Do I care what you think?”

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