Mistress Evelyn, Nancy Pelosi and Astrological Politics

Mistress Evelyn spoke with Nancy Pelosi in the Middle Eastern Room, at the US Congressional Building in Washington. (Photoshop Courtesy of D. Libby)

Recently, I decided to visit my grandniece in Washington, the doctor who does something with brains and nervous systems probably with many of our favorite politicians.  She’s very brilliant and if you don’t remember what I remember, please see Doctor Amanda.  She’s confident, bold and works on mainly children, plus she’s also single, and while she won’t like me saying it, is quite a catch.

As it has been a while and it’s that time of the year, I’m giving my politically charged horoscope.  Incumbent-Democrats who have sun signs in Sagittarius will have difficulties this November, mainly the planet Neptune will be in Aquarius and this means the populace really doesn’t care.  Eventually, they come back to scratch their heads at what they ended up with and the meaning of tea parties reverts back to a bunch of ladies getting together politely gossiping over flavored hot water at an overpriced hotel.

With Saturn in Libra, this isn’t not a good time for Libra-witches.  The current astrological climate suggests that we all want people who play along with the rules and aren’t misusing funding, or … It doesn’t get any worse for a Republican, when the Great Christmas Capricorn, Karl Marx Rove, doesn’t like you.  For the electorate, make sure you get to the polls early as with Jupiter in Retrograde, difficulties in weather will be felt.

Now while I was in Washington, I went to the Capital and visited the great speaker, Nancy Pelosi.  Here is how it went.  Now it’s sort of long, so I’ve broke it into subject matter…

Introductions, Terrorism and the President’s Religion

Mistress Evelyn – Thank you for meeting me here in you.

Her Greatness Nancy Pelosi – My pleasure.

ME – What interesting decorations.  It’s very Middle Eastern and sort of reminds me of the Lebanese woman at the assisted living facility.  She wears a headscarf and many times, we’re like, “Hey Zalda, you look like a terrorist.”  And she responds, “I’m a Christian!”  Do you believe your décor will lead Americans to believe that the Democrats are soft on terrorism?

NP – I believe our party’s position has been straightforward.  Since taking office, we have reduced the chances of a terrorist attack in one of our cities, while ensuring that our policies match our values.  This is why the President came out an instituted a policy against torture and that we respect the civil liberties of our citizens.  America is safer if we reduce the chances of a terrorist attack in one of our cities than if we diminish the civil liberties of our own people.  The president has been very tough on this issue, he believes it’s a moral issue and we will continue to support his policies.

ME –   Talking policies – is he really Christian?

NP – I don’t know if that’s an appropriate question and I will not address it.

ME – But every time someone makes an accusation on Fox & Friends, which I watch constantly, only because it’s when I’m in the common room, drinking tea with some of the ladies and Mr. Gladswell refuses to give up the clicker, you people do not respond.

NP – I’m sorry but do you want us to invoke legislation allowing for a democratic procedure to federally funded assisted living facilities and their remote controls?  Or do you want me to address what’s being said on Fox News.  The issue really at hand here, is the chatter coming from people who do not want to create a job and create these distractions that create illusions and deflect from their own lack of ideas.  The president is a devoted Christian.

Harry Reid and Incompetence

ME – And you don’t agree with the evening pundits that by addressing the issue you’re weakening the president’s position.   It doesn’t look good for the Democrats in November.  Any truth to the rumor that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is one of the most incompetent Democratic leaders of all time?

NP – Welcome to the legislative process Evelyn, the Senate is a completely different body with its own rules and Harry Reid faces his own challenges.

ME – But seriously, I look at him and think to myself, I wouldn’t hire him as my gardener.  He’d probably spend most of his time looking at the plants, talking about the plants and not really digging into the soil, planting seeds and watering.

NP – Well, if Harry Reid was a gardener, the garden would impose unique challenges.  What’s really most important is that the President have an agenda to make sure the nation’s gardens are the greenest in the world because it’s with a green garden that we create jobs and reduce our dependence on foreign oil.

Energy

ME – I have no idea what you just said, but I did hear oil and Mrs. Pelosi, what would you say to my neighbor Mrs. Marinara who has an Oldsmobile Delta 88 and can barely purchase $10 of gas for it.  Gas is extremely expensive for someone living on a fixed income.

NP – The president and this congress have passed a comprehensive, energy reform bill  For many folks, like Mrs. Marinelli, the changes haven’t really been seen at their level.  It’s also difficult to sit here and say, what would have happened if we did nothing, but steps are in place to invest in new technologies and raising emission standards which will in fact create jobs and make the United States a leader in these technologies reducing our dependency on foreign oil.

Public Discource and the T-Party

ME – Again, I didn’t really understood what you said, but maybe by replaying the tape and to my grandson Klyde, who is a brilliant translator, I can understand what you just said.  Why are the Republicans winning the battle?  Why are they able to easily speak to the American people and communicate what they want.  When John Boehner speaks, I understand what he’s saying.  I may not like it, but I understand.  It seems that when the Republicans held power, they were quick to make rules that made declaring personal bankruptcy  difficult, eliminating social services and federal programs and exploding the defense budget, while the Democrats simply smiled and helped with the rubber stamp.  In the two years you were in office, you had difficulty simply turning on the lights.  It was like, “should we turn on the lights?” and you would say yes and the Republicans would say that the bright lights the Democrats wanted to turn on were in fact destroying the American fabric and they would get onto TV and say, “the lights are not American.”  To which you would respond, “they certainly are, but wouldn’t it be great if the lights were energy-efficient” and before you know it there’s a whole movement getting on television based on the President’s birthplace, race and religion to dominate the American Political conversation, all the while you can’t turn off the lights.  What do you have to say for yourself?

NP – Well, if you’re referring to the Tea Party, which is what I believe you’re getting at, and the beliefs of the fringe, we share some of the views of the Tea Partiers in terms of the role of special interest in Washington, D.C., as — it just has to stop.  And that’s why I’ve fought the special interest, whether it’s on energy, whether it’s on health insurance, whether it’s on pharmaceuticals and the rest.

ME – Well, I don’t know, you share views with the Tea Party?  Well. I don’t know. I look at the new people running for office and I think to myself, “Evelyn, you believe the next Congress will be any more productive than the last?”  And I can only say no.

NP – It is too soon to look forward to the next Congress and we can only work alongside whoever else is elected for the American people.

Dad’s Recliner

ME – Can we quickly discuss, something close to my heart,  Allison, when you’re father passed away, you wanted to have his favorite recliner and when I didn’t give it to you, you stopped speaking to me, when in fact I still used his seat to watch TV.  Now that I don’t live in the house and we’re talking again, would you like to take it out of storage?

NP – I’m presuming Allison is your daughter? I have no idea why she stopped talking with you or whether she wants the recliner, but as every family has issues, I can certainly understand your dilemma.  And I guess that’s where we are in these Mid-Term Elections.  We have a family squabble and on one side, you can keep who you had in power for the last two years, or you can go with the same old party whose ideas haven’t worked.  We started off when we took over the Bush Administration the economy was loosing over 600,000 jobs and this September it’s only losing 95,000 jobs.  It’s not where we want it right now, but it’s steadily improving.  The stimulus package saved so many more jobs and had we not acted when we did, the economy would be in far worse shape than it is today.  So I understand the situation between yourself and Allison.

Health Care

ME – Allison, my daughter?  How do you know about her and the issues between us?  I don’t think that’s any of your business.  The question was about health care.  You’re new health care bill will require all Americans to sign up for health care otherwise be penalized.  Now, I never required seeing a physician until I was 82, why would you force upon me something that I don’t need – otherwise send me to jail.

NP – Well, I can assure you, that the penalty will not be jail, but when we have both healthy and unhealthy Americans in a health care bill, the President’s advisers found that we lower the costs when everyone has health insurance.  We considered all views and came up with the best solution at the time and this is what I believe this Congress’ legacy will be.  We have been a most effective congress, we’ve passed a Recovery Package to save jobs, we have ensured 11 million more children with health care, passed the most comprehensive health care reform, removed discrimination from the work place for women, the biggest park bills in decades, a budget that’s a statement of our values focusing on our three top priorities, health, education and energy which are the three cornerstones to growing our economy and restoring jobs to our economy.  These things will not be seen overnight, but we are on the right path.  The American people just aren’t seeing the results, instead seeing the results of the Bush Administration which was loosing, by some figures, 600,000 jobs a month and it’s for these reasons we’re a target.

ME – Interesting answer.  Let’s discuss health care.  Why did you pass the Health Care Reform Act?

NP -We passed the Health Care Reform Act to reduce the impact that health care was having on the economy.  At this time, we were spending 17.3% of the GDP, which dwarfs competing economies and it has the impact of further stagnating our economy.  At the individual level, thousands of people are losing their jobs or simply their health care coverage because it’s becoming to expensive for companies to afford.  Others are simply having to spend more on their coverage.  In general, it’s stifling creativity because individuals are tied to their jobs because the risks are too great to leave their jobs and start businesses.  So this reform puts us on the right path to contain costs and allow businesses to invest more in new technologies and new jobs and this is what this Congress has been committed to.

ME – So if there are new jobs, why did you pass the Health Care Bill?

NP – I just answered the question.

Raves, Christ and Muslims

ME – Oh (laughs), silly me.  I forgot.  At our age, you forget things.  As our time together is almost at an end,  my granddaughter wanted me to ask you a question, “in 2003, you voted to effectively ban the popular dance parties called ‘raves.’  Reducing America’s Vulnerability to Ecstacy Act, otherwise known as RAVE, allows the big and unruly federal government to shut down community events that serve loads of water, and subject ‘innocent business-owners’ to egregious fines if customers sell or use drugs on premises, at their events, even if they were not involved in the offenses in any way.  Now, Mrs. Pelosi, as a churchgoer, why is the Democratic Party against Christ and God?”

NP – I don’t see the connection.

ME – My granddaughter, who will not be named, but is quite successful as a business woman, I don’t remember exactly what she does, but she’s some sort of event planner… explained it to me.  If a church supporting temperance is having a festival or event with only bottled water and some hoodlum comes onto the premises and starts selling drugs, the federal government can seize church property calling it a Rave.

NP – I’ve never thought about the legislation working in that manner.

ME – The federal government could even send someone under cover and then seize the assets.  I saw it once on Law and Order.

NP – I certainly can’t speak of hypothetical.   We passed the legislation because specific business owners intentionally rent out property to individuals either knowing they’re engaging in illegal activities or turning a blind eye  to these illegal activities.  The legislation says to these individuals, we will hold you accountable.  And this is where we are at currently in this mid-term election.  We are being held accountable, whether you believe it’s fair or unfair, based on public perceptions.  There is a movement for the same old party and this is something we have to accept.  To remind you, before the President took over, the economy was in shambles, we passed TARP, because the previous administration suggested a doomsday scenario where the US Economy would seize within four days.  His own legislators deserted him and, while we weren’t happy with that administrations implementation of TARP, we are happy to report most of the TARP has been repaid and continues to get paid.

ME – So, you’re saying, you’re not going after the churches and the temples.

NP – Yes.

ME – But you would go after the mosques?  That’s good to know after what they did.  Anyway, I just wanted to let you know:  You don’t look so good.

NP – Well, it’s been a rough couple of months.

ME – I really talking about how stretched and shiny your face looks.  You should have a doctor look at that.

NP – Well thank you for your concern and time. It’s been a pleasure.

—

Thank you for reading this work of fiction.

Some of the source material comes from a recent Charlie Rose interview with Nancy Pelosi and a NYT video interview from 2009, unconfirmed web stats and some supposition as to how would Nancy Pelosi respond to questions from a very elderly woman who should never be interviewing any political figure.  The RAVE Act was from a anti-Pelosi Website that lists her passing this bill in 2002 as the 14th worse thing she ever did.

Special thanks to D. Libby, a very talented Boston graphic designer, who photoshoped “Mistress Evelyn” into an actual photo from when Nancy Pelosi went to Syria.

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